Life has a funny way of getting our attention, making us see the stuff beneath the surface that if left unchecked will scupper all our good surface work. so many times lately I have been reminded of the words of the Dalai Lama when someones chakras showed me that their latest challenge could actually be a gift if only they would go a little deeper and see what is driving their response to their life challenge.
I did not want a tit fitting thyroid but i did want the gifts that have come on the back of this experience.
Kate and I were reminiscing about the things we did not want over the years that turned out to be the best thing that could have happened because of the gift of the lessons that came with it.
One of the most obvious patterns showing up now are the mirror reactions, where we either reflect an attitude we hated being imposed on us or we have our own attitude reflected back.
The lady who is sick of trying to keep everyone happy forgot how often she put that kind of pressure on others. The man who is disappointed with how someone has turned out has forgotten just how damaging that energy is when it was he who was constantly made to feel like the disappointment. I could sit and list the opportunities I see unfolding but some might spot themselves and get mad with me and its way too close to Christmas to be fucking around with any more friendships.
Within that flip remark there is a deeper truth and valuable lesson. I always took too much responsibility for maintaining the status quo in relationships and took the lions share of the blame when it all went wrong. Life just keeps throwing those same challenges at me seeing if I have learnt anything since the last time. I'll admit that its been a slow progress and fighting the urge to save others from themselves has been difficult to resist, but I have known those others for a very long time and my interference or wish to save them from themselves has assisted them in avoiding ever looking past the surface and facing their own self harm. So I am a few relationships lighter while I sit on my hands and leave them to learn in which ever way they choose. Funny enough the problems that have come from others were not what I wanted, but it turns out it was what I needed, because whether I or they were acknowledging it or not there was an imbalance, an unaddressed issue bubbling beneath the surface and as easy as it is to carry on pretending things are ok, they never were and never could be until the issues were brought to the surface to be faced regardless of how painful that might initially be.
If you find yourself focused on something about someone else that has stirred a strong emotion in you, search your past and see if you were ever in the others shoes. What you now think is ok, was it ok when you were on the receiving end or are you now getting your old energy reflected back in the hope you can learn from your own mistakes.
Since I took the time to recognize the repeating patterns and looked a little deeper at the part I play in my lessons being painful ones they have not felt as painful.
Not everyone is willing or able to go deeper to understand the part they play in their own and others pain, but that does not stop us learning our own lessons and moving on.