It’s no secret that I was crap at school, could not spell for toffees and was bad at taking instruction, but there were some lessons where I naturally excelled. There was no effort involved, I simply was or did what was required.
This blog and the painful lesson is about those times in our life where our natural talents draw unhealthy attention from others and how if unresolved will continue to haunt us again and again.
I have no clue why I excelled at social and environmental studies, but I did. The teacher would only have to instruct us once and my dyslexic head got it. I can understand how a studious pupil might be a little narked at the class clown understanding and implementing the lesson at ease when said studious pupil worked hard daily to be the best that she could be. And I also understand why she might want to expose me as a cheat rather than face the fact that I could solve the puzzle standing on my head while reciting a Bay City Rollers song backwards.
The flip side of that picture is the Dyslexic/dunce managing to be good at something and others resenting them for it or trying to expose them as a fraud rather than cheer them on from the sidelines for their “Natural” talent.
We have all done it at some time or another, resent the “natural” talent of another and compete with that rather than find and develop our own “natural” talent.
The discomfort and energy of the last 6 months reminded me of something but I could not quite put my finger on it, I was too caught up in knee jerk reactions to give it any real thought if I was to be totally honest.
It was only after the discomfort was removed, and I had time to reflect and finally put 2 +2 together that I remembered the girl from high school that had to be the best at everything and rained on my parade daily.
As a chakra nut I know the heart chakra would be the main kiddie and the solar plexus would keep it company. But cell memory was playing the biggest role in how I reacted rather than responded to the lady in question and her energy.
I knew 15 year old me was reacting more than the 49 year old me. I berated myself afterwards for biting even when I did not want to. It was as if the 15 year old Lorraine had taken over every time I had to deal with her, to the point where the only way I could ensure I did not shoot myself in the foot any more was to refuse to utter a word to her. Turns out this was quite pleasant as the upside was she stopped talking to me too.
On a chakra level I felt quite sorry for her, she is so tied up in projecting an image of who and what she wants to be she has left no room to actually develop who she is. But my sympathy runs out in her company, and despite having been a pacifist my whole life I fantasise (or 15 year old me does anyway) about smashing her face in.
Away from her I can forgive her and thank her for helping me see the memories I still carry that have the potential to blindside me when in the company of similar energy.
The girl from my school years had all her eggs in one basket; her academia was the only facet of herself she wanted to develop. The lady this time round had basket envy and instead of developing and enhancing her own talents, she put all her energy into competing with or challenging anyone who embraced their natural talents.
Do you ever ask yourself how old you feel when you react to someone or something rather than respond?
The current energy seems to be highlighting the inner child still lurking within, ready at a moment’s notice to take over and react on our behalf when we fail to respond.