Venting our spleen is an old expression for when we have bit of a rant but when we whinge about our lot ( a lot) and do nothing proactive to improve our lot we'd be inclined to lean heavily on others not so prone to whinging. Understanding that we are helping them to prolong their agony may stop us from doing so.
"Yes but" boils my blood if I was honest. It's the first indication that the talker is more interested in talking than listening, in whinging than finding a solution. I'm human and have the same amount of time in a day as anyone else and would just as soon fill it with proactive and helpful activities rather than sit raking over old ground with no hint of ever seeking a workable solution.
There can be reasons or excuse for why we could not, have not or will not do something. We need to be honest with ourselves which it is, rather than waste time trying to convince others.
The mere fact that we are trying to convince others is a sure sign that its more of an excuse than a reason.
Excuses are a sign of an imbalanced crown chakra and avoidance.
But nothing can ever be avoided for ever, its always there in the background, tainting our thoughts, actions and inactions.
If you have messed up, made a mistake, dont want to do something, forgot to do something, avoided doing something and it looks like its catching up with you. Suck it up and be honest about it.
Avoiding is a temporary solution but for as long as we avoid it what ever "it" may be, it is still growing, getting bigger and bigger and eventually we will have to pay the price for our avoidance.
Mistakes cost, if we are lucky they only cost us, but often when we have avoided for a long time they end up costing others too.
A little like the 12 step program for addictions, the focus needs to be shifted from how we are affected to how our avoidance may now be affecting others.
We may find ourselves in the company of those who seek tea and sympathy or we are the ones seeking sympathy rather than man up and face our mistakes right now, as the spleen shake up highlights all that has been avoided.
Do not kid yourself that you are helping by buying into or weaving a story laced with excuses, all that is happening is the painful bit is being prolonged.
The sooner we or they hold our hands up and admit "My bad!" the sooner a solution can be found.
I keep finding myself thinking and at times saying "not now" when a call for sympathy comes. I know enough to know that I would not be helping them if I bought into their version or view of their situation, but I am also kanny enough to know how tenacious an avoider can be. So rather than fall out because I am not sympathetic enough (in their view) its much better to be busy or unavailable.
It does not matter whether I or others think you have valid reasons or are full of excuses, what matters is that you are honest with yourself about whats what or which is which.