I'm 2 days short of managing 5 weeks smoke free, I have been here before, the longest I managed was 3 months so I'm not out of the woods yet.
Although this time feels different in many ways, but that's maybe because of how I am looking at it this time. Part of my miserable cow act yesterday was a valuable lesson for me, my focus was well and truly on what I did not have any more LOL.
Fags have been my soothers,most used tool for problem solving and distraction when I needed to slam on the brakes before I bitch slapped some sense into some daft mare getting up in my space.
They got me to count to 10 and at times 100 before I chose to react LOL but sadly they were not as much help as I first thought, because where I put my focus while puffing on said fag was usually on brewing rather than shifting gear and my focus.
It was the giraffe riddle on facebook that shifted my mood (that and feeding feral cats, but that's a whole other story).
After sending my answer to 2 friends who had posted the riddle, I came across a post about the riddle and why so many get it wrong. Oh my giddy aunt the comments on the post were hysterical, so many took themselves and the answer so seriously they were on the verge of meltdown. As soon as I seen the reaction I decided that I was ok appearing wrong even if I knew the answer I had given was right. So I popped off to google images and found a cute Giraffe photo and changed my profile picture.
Last week I decided I wanted a little light relief in my reading material and nipped to the library to the teen section for a good book, I nearly fell off my chair when a few pages in Quantum Physics was mentioned. I have several books on the subject but found them a tad hard going cos they tried to describe it in too grown up a fashion for my reluctant brain to take in. I think I have explained before, I am happier to learn than I am to be taught so have developed a knee jerk reaction to being told what to think or do, share with me by all means but the second I feel like I'm being told I will mentally be sticking 2 fingers up at you LOL.
The kids book gave me a light-bulb moment that has me feeling all zipedee doo dah again.
I now get it that all possibilities coexist simultaneously and what we experience is down to which possibility we put our focus on.
I had been taking it to heart when others could only see the bad in me, the arrogant and selfish me rather than the helpful, thoughtful, caring me that also exists.
Now I get it that that is down to where they choose to put their focus rather than something I have personally intended to do.
Saying that the flip side is I have to learn to focus on the potential good in others too. This bit smarts cos with some who truly get under my skin I still want it to be that they are total arseholes rather than it be down to what I am choosing to see in them.
I have also come to accept that if we cannot match what others want, need or insist on seeing in us, they will fall away from our lives, or in some cases storm off in a huff LOL
I have a right to be wrong in your world, cos I have nothing what so ever to do with who or what it is you choose to see in me. I am pure potential, where you look decides what or who you see.
I shall waste no more time defending my right to be, or trying to make up for what it is you think I should or could be in your world.