Growing up Kate had cause to accuse me of favouritism because despite being my only child she had to take a backseat while I got busy soothing the emotional needs of the loudest distress calls of others. I got little hints as to my weakness but Arthur is the epitome of that weakness, but also my strength. When Kate and others have been on the receiving end of my tenacious efforts to "make it all better, it was viewed as a strength but when viewed from the outside it can also be seen as a weakness. I become focused on loving them back to emotional health at all cost.
While we talked to the animal psychologist about Arthur and what we could try next to avoid more vet visits Kate said "Arthur has always been your favourite!" And I know that's not true. I love him, truly madly deeply, but I love each of my pets (masters) with the same true, mad deep love, it just happens that Arthur's distress calls have always been the loudest. Which has blinded me the same way it did when Kate was growing up and others seems to have a greater need than her. She knows I would do, give or be what ever she needs, secure in the knowledge that as my baby she is my life.
Each time I brought Arthur home from the latest health scare, he has always been so pleased to be home he would show instant improvement (the drugs always helped). But this time he deteriorated within the hour of being home. He took himself off to his safe place and sat hunched looking anything but safe. Knowing how important it was for him to relax if he was to get better I paid more attention to him, which highlighted my new insight into the family dynamics. Millie God bless her is an antisocial character that bestows a ton of love my way with a hint of bitch with sharp teeth. You never know what your going to get, love or attitude. After the psychology chat I looked at her antics with fresh eyes and faced the fact that she is shit at sharing. She spits her dummy out if someone else is getting more of me than her. I started to notice how Winnie Darcy and Arthur reacted to her being in the room. She is like a mafia boss, just walking into the room and they all shift their focus to her. She does not even have to do anything, we all know her potential and prepare ourselves in different ways. Don't get me wrong, she is not just loved she is adored. Kate and shayne have pestered me to let them have her since they got their own home but I was sure she could not cope with the change so clung on for dear life. But as I watched Arthur nose dive I realised that maybe I was going to have to let them have her. The pain in my chest when I thought about it felt like my heart was breaking, how can I give up on her, this has been her home for more than 8 years, it's all she knows. But then my chakra hippy shit kicked in and I could see that she, after a little hissy fit would more than likely flourish for being taken out of her comfort zone. Despite Arthur getting more of me when poorly I am more conditioned to Millie's wants and wishes than is healthy. This is also a repeating pattern, others have had that unhealthy effect on our little family, where I unconsciously bent over backwards to keep one happy to the detriment of others. It's no secret that I have been more than just an aunty to my niece and nephew, one appreciated it and grew wings and flew the other still believes that all I did was not enough and that I could/should have done more. As the grownup in that relationship I accept I helped to make the monster and have stepped back to allow growth without my interference. And this is what Millie now faces.
I have total faith that Kate's way of loving Millie is more balanced than mine, and once Millie stops sulking she will gain a healthy independence in her new family.
Sometimes we are too close and need those we love to like each other despite the fact that they may not. Seeing not just Arthur but Winnie relax over the last 18 hours has been an eye opener, Arthur is on the mend and spent the night relaxing and peeing without stress or strain. It's early doors and there may be some hiccups before everything settles down but despite the sadness of accepting that she and they would be better off apart I feel calmer than I have in a long time. Walking on eggshells in no fun. Trying to keep everyone happy usually makes everyone unhappy. It's not about favourites, or the insistence that the love we give one equals or surpasses the love we give others. Loving the individual can sometimes mean they are better off without our constant devotion. My heart is healthy enough to see that letting Millie go live with Kate, shayne, river, willow, Daisy and my soon to be grand baby is the best love I can give all of them.